It’s the end of the semester. For many reasons, I’m not too inclined to write much, not much of anything with depth or significance. In a few days I will write a reflection on the semester, goals achieved (or not), teaching practices modified for the future (or not), expectations realized (or not) about a new job in a new town. Later, though. Instead? A couple of lists. Maybe I’ll expand on these. Maybe (or not).
Five Bullets of Fact:
- I have a bad cold / flu. My ears are ringing and my eyes are watering. I suppose I could blame the watery eyes on the cold.
- I want to rush out today and buy another dog, another Cavalier King Charles, another Ginger. I want a do-over. I searched for a dog online tonight. I know better than to rush out and replace her with another dog, but I looked anyway. And cried.
- I want to call the vet and make sure the dog is really gone. I was there when she passed, but part of me thinks there might be some mistake. Maybe she’s still there, waiting for me.
- I want to ask the question that any eight-year old might ask: what happens to a dog’s soul when it dies? I don’t know the answer to that question.
- I realize by this list that my grief is alive and well. Maybe I could just blame it on the flu, but I think we’d all see right through that.
Five Bullets of Good:
- The universe speaks to me sometimes. My heart is heavy today, but I hear music that lifts my spirits, music that comes to me in random and unexpected ways.
- The online world is a marvelous place, filled with caring and kind people. I am surprised by the giving natures of people I have never met.
- The semester ends for me tomorrow. One more final exam and I’m done. This is a good thing.
- The busyness of the day helped me realize that I won’t always feel so sad.
- The camera calls to me.
To be fair, I had a few “bullets of bad,” but I don’t much feel like getting into that now. They will always be around, those bad bullets. It’s hard to reframe and focus on what is real (at the moment) and what’s good. But reframe I must.
Lastly, thank you all so much for your kind words and sentiments on the loss of my beloved little dog. I appreciate you all greatly.